I used to imagine myself as my role models
Then I got older
And said fuck it, it’s better to be my own role model
And another one!
This is the song off of my latest CD that actually has a chance to be on GoodMusicAllDay, crossing my fingers and hoping to see it up there sometime soon. In the meantime give it a play!
Dear younger me, fight you’re hungry
For more than you can imagine, look what your gonna be
A pot enthusiast stoner, slash loner
A broken soul that becomes whole when you pick a microphone up
And when you back is to the asphalt
Get up and whipe the dust cause you know it aint the last fall
But gosh don’t it hurt, searching for a bit of worth
Fighting father time before you reach our mother earth
Will it be suicide or another finale
Will this be a story of triumph or will it turn out badly
If it’s bad I hope it’s somewhat poetic
I’m just a young man growing up, please give me some credit
I just lost it all, but I don’t regret it
Cause if you don’t drop everything for dreams, how you ever gon catch it
I heard success is blind, I guess my life is deaf
So I can see him but no words can ever leave my breath
And since he can’t see me we sit adjacently
I sit and wait for him…while he sits and waits for me
This one is probably the song that is closet to my heart. I was working on what would become my first mixtape when I was introduced to a band called the XX. The first track off the CD is just an instrumental track and from the first time I heard it I knew I should give it a shot. I actually wrote to it once and gave up halfway until I revisited the beat and was able to come up with a full song. I hope you guys enjoy this one
Due to the positive response I’ve been getting from posting up some of my other songs, I’ve decided to try to make this a semi-regular thing. As opposed to just posting up some audio I’ll describe where my head was at when I made the song and why it is so dear to me.
Today I decided to select “Starry Eyed” which I wrote on behalf of my deceased bud, Kevin. I met Kev in college but he had one of those souls that made you feel like you had known him for years. When he passed away I was pretty much a wreck to say the least and this song and “Bird Caged Set Free” are two songs that I wrote as soon as I got home for him. What I really like about this song in particular is how it’s just a testimony of the struggle I go through all the time. I’ve always felt like a loner, and I often wonder if music is a gift or a curse. The first verse is just about, “a boy with his head in the clouds…starry eyed,” which is really me just talking about myself.
The second verse I started talking about my problems with girls and all that BS, but then mid-verse I ask the question,
“I just lost my friend, ask me about it/ Ask me how I feel, don’t you pussy-foot around it//”.
The verse ends with: “Like it’s a big hoax, and he’s still alive/ Kev for you my head’s in heaven…Starry Eyed//”.
The third verse I return back to the conflict within myself. When I was writing it I can clearly remember my questioning of if there really is a God, was based out of anger for him taking such a good person away at such a young age.
“Now God please help me, or am I even heard/ Is God really a being or just another english word”
The song ends with some cool effects and finally comes to a finish with the words,
“Kev for you, my heads still heaven, starry eyed”.
Now that I’m going through the song once again I see that it was more a song about the inner-turmoil in my head and how I always feel like I’m alone. Like for instance the first verse it features the line:
“Woke up to tomorrow, and fell asleep the day before/ I may speak peace but inside my mind there is a war// Can’t see who’s gonna win, or how it’s gonna end/ And silence is my only friend, so I just force my frown to bend//” .
Last thing I want to mention is how each verse ends with the words “starry eyed” but it’s meant to serve a different purpose each time.
Verse 1 Meaning: At times I sincerely feel like I’m from a different planet, so when I said the words “starry eyed”, it meant that I was from another world, and that my head isn’t focused on anything in particular, I’m lost in imagination. It’s like the phrase, “you got your head in the clouds”.
Verse 2 Meaning: This is the verse that ends with me reflecting on Kevin and my intention was to explain that my head (really my brain) was in heaven, thinking about him, and since heaven is assumed to be above us…I connected it with the stars again. How many times have we all looked up to the sky and just asked, “why”. I took the image of a man looking up to the stars and just connected to the words “starry eyed”.
Verse 3 Meaning: This uses the words to represent crying. When eyes tear they tend to glisten like stars (at least to me they do). I actually was tearing up during the verse about Kevin so then I wrote down the words, “I’m not crying nigga I swear, I’m just starry eyed”. It makes me think of a little boy crying and having a girl ask him if he really was crying, and he replies “no, I got sand in my eye,” or something like that.
I could probably keep rambling on about all the hidden meanings but I’d like to keep it short and sweet. I must admit, writing this stuff down while listening to the song is kind of therapeutic and I am really going to make an effort to analyze one song everyday. Me analyzing it allows me to see where I was, why I wrote those words, and kind of helps deal with shitty situations like the death of a friend, depression, and all that. It’s one thing to write it, it’s another thing to perform it, and it IS A WHOLE OTHER thing to revisit about a year later and reflect on it.
I thoroughly enjoyed this and I hope you guys got something out of it as well.
Oh! Sorry for the quality of the audio, this was when I had just gotten my new equipment and I really didn’t know how to perfect the quality of the verses so it sounds a bit…loud. Trust me other submissions will vary in quality from where I’m at now, to where I was at when I first started taking recording seriously.
Suggested by Ryan S. via Facebook
Send me a message with a song and I’ll try my best to drop a freestyle over it
Donald Trump freestyle featuring some asswhipe
JK…that be my boy Dubbs
fuck with him, he’s awesome
TrueMusik….great music blog, and he is one of the head peeps over there so check it out!
I’ve been in a while…to just…be alive, mad weird to say it that way but I swear it’s how I’m feeling. Outlining this chapter and then reading Chapter 10 for my Psych class, borrowing a video camera for TONS of footage
And this weekend is going to be dope!
Like everything is looking up, grind till we can’t anymore.
Team Kiddo, or drink gasoline BEEYACHHH